About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
