It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
