we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
