and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
