even my farts smell like vagina
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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