Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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