im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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