i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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