Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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