I molested 6 butterflies tonight
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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