So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need to calm my uterus...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
