nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize