Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
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