I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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