remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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