All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
