Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize