This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Randomize
