my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
