just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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