I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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