We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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