the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
