Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Who died my cat blue again?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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