how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
