im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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