woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
