I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
do nipples grow back?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
