it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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