i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
