dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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