Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
