Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
