no, he came in my armpit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
