On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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