Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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