You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.