i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.