What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.