Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
