Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Every concussion has its silver lining
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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