So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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