My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
