Taylor Swift is so right about you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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