it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
