I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
