She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
