Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
