we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
