I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
