Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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