Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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