smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
i believe in u and ur pee
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
