If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize