Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
