I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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