they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
