That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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