I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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