Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
