I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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