Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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